If Wishes Were Horses…

Something familiar slides back in
between the cracks
and the spaces intentionally left behind

from the Mother Mary Oracle by Alana Fairchild

Someone I knew in lifetimes before

an old friend from far off fictional lands

Quests that left our muscles and spirits sore
Suddenly reappears after centuries or more
The floodgates of my imagination–
I feel a key in the lock begin to turn
A fire that’s kept all of my visions simmering,
grows and threatens to burn all of our altars down
My eyes glow in the reflection of the house I used to live in, now ablaze
My words come out in colors and shapes instead of sounds
My shouts emerge as sharp whispers
My demands remain unmet,
yet I surprise myself as I nestle into contentment
My fists unfold into open palms that reveal new lines, lines of love and life that were not there yesterday…
Just as mysterious as my migrating birthmark that began our journey under my right ribcage, and now resides on my left…
Sometimes I lie flat on the floor, and I open the ceiling with my mind
I let my heart chakra paint the whole world green because I’m really exhausted with red.
If you ever caused earthquakes when your heart breaks, you’ll know what I mean…
Maybe you don’t, and all of this makes you roll your eyes
Causes you to release exasperated sighs
It doesn’t matter if what is true for me isn’t true for you
When my soul gets restless and sends my heart back out to wander
I could still make my way to you
And I could tell you about the Moon hovering over the Two of Cups
How the mystery is all I ever cared about
Is all that truly captures me…
I live for slipping behind the veil,
I long to linger in the many shades of grey,
where nothing is split into pinks and blues
Where the lines that exist, someone unqualified drew
And I dream for days and days of cosmic escape
Where I return to outer space
Reunite with all of the stars
Stars that died long before their beams ever reached my irises…
But I always wake up buried
in blankets and earthly kisses
And because I love you and you love me
You place a hand on my heart,
mutter something about horses and wishes
And the sentiment is sweet enough to carry me
All the way to my next sleep.

Leah R. Chatterjee


Mars Directing 

Happy Sun in Cancer!

Act One (it’s not very fun)

Scorpion stinger straight to my third eye

Eight weeks of exploring all of my ugliest sides

Hope, magic, faith: exit slowly stage right

Act two (insomnia, you fool!)

Hyperactive Brain & Sleepless nights: enter stage right

Feeling frazzled, spent, generally bereft

Mars Direct: enter swiftly stage left!

Act 3 (it somehow aligns magically)

Leah wakes up, as if out of a murky dream

Quiet for days, she sets free every stitch from the tattered seam

Planets, Sun, Moon, Family, Friends (near and far), Soulmates, Stars, and meteorites that appear to fall:

Enter both sides of the stage for a cosmic curtain call!

–Leah Ruthe Chatterjee 

Rambling on returning to DCA (not a poem 😉)

I thought I would miss this place when I picked everything up and moved across the country.
I was so sure that I would ache for my childhood home–haunted by both memories and actual ghosts.
It has only been six months since I left, so returning shouldn’t seem so intense.
I have forgotten so much in such a short time–which roads lead to which places, where the Indian grocery store is, how to navigate a car in a sea of angry northern Virginian drivers…
I do not miss this energy, find myself longing for my new home–the Central Oregon high desert air, the mountains around every corner, the smell of ponderosa pines…
I expected to shed some tears driving by my childhood home–feel some sort of sadness at seeing the deck stripped away, trees uprooted, transformations underway…
Surely seeing the spot where my brother and I played on a swing set for hours would stir something deep down at my core?
Yet I felt nothing but that old haunting–memories and actual ghosts, and nothing more.
What brought the tears tumbling down finally?
I saw one of my best friend’s mother, and her hug just tugged it all out.
I do not miss this place, but somehow that hug sank it in.
The Holladays and Hosseinis, the Bakers and the Miskes,
are not just a few minutes away any more.
The family we built here–that is what I miss, and the one thing missing in my new home.
I know that that will come (has already begun),
and I know that these people I miss are so deeply imbedded in my heart and connected to my soul–well they are that close to me wherever my body goes.
It just really hit me today–I do not miss this place, but how strange that the Holladay family is no longer a five minute walk away!

Leah Chatterjee


Prism Lights

Her smile hits me in the eye

the way light does when it goes through a prism

and is reflected in a mirror.

Little slivers of a rainbow that isn’t quite solid

Her translucence tricks you into thinking

that she isn’t strong enough for this

But she moves through obstacles

like smoke through a screen

And I can feel her walking towards my street

while I push once more on the porch swing

and dangle my feet awkwardly

Even though she is miles away

her words still tickle my ear drums

reminding me to stay sane

for just a little longer

If you ever had a chance to see her

underneath the waning quarter moon,

you’d probably feel the same way

you might try to catch her

and hold her in some gentle way

But she can always escape

even the strongest stranglehold

And it only makes me feel better

knowing nobody could ever stifle,

suffocate, or dowse

the light from her smile

I like the way it hits me in the eye

Like the sun when it hangs low in the sky

I don’t want to stare directly at her

Just a little bit below

where my cheeks still burn a little

from her prism light glow.

leah ruthe chatterjee

Under an Aries Moon

I feel like leaving my body
Over and over again
I’m writhing and wriggling inside of here
You’re just a memory already
An imprint on my mind
and a bruise on my thigh
Already flittering off to someone new
I am left alone with no choices
Sober and stuck
Following the electric currents in my brain
Until I find my way out of you and back to me
I’m in the forest again
Feeling my way through
Forced to relive every prick I ever suffered or inflicted
Because there’s nowhere left to sweep it under
The rugs have all unraveled
And I am sober and stuck
No phoenix here
Will rise reborn from these ashes
Just a memory of the flame
On the insides of my eyelids
And the knowing
Knowing I will heal again
After I have ripped myself apart
Till there is nothing but muscle and bone
I will heal again
I won’t forget in the arms of another
Or escape to the bottom of a bottle
But I will heal over and over again
Become somebody new over and over again
And you might recognize my face
The bones don’t seem to change
But I am leaving my body over and over again
And my soul won’t be the same
If you ever see me again
I won’t be the same
I am
Sober and stuck with myself
Under an Aries moon.

Leah Ruthe Chatterjee

Moon in Capricorn

Winter lost me
In an uncharacteristic warmth
Set my imagination ablaze
Sent me chasing wild horses again
Through meadows of memories
And pure fiction

All of the lines disappear
So that your face becomes so clear
I can almost see your breath
On the basement window pane
Upon inspection just frost
from the night before

I wake up
and stay wrapped in dreams of you
Till my day is just wasted
On treasured slices of a sweeter time
And I still hold your invisible hand
In public just to get under your skin

Then I hear the present calling
From far away I am ripped from the smoke and mirrors
Hurtled back into today
Staring hard at the patterns in the ceiling tiles
Wrap my mind around here and now
After traveling all of those miles

Winter lost me
In a fiery madness
Reminds me of that time on the Gulf
Where I forgot to be self conscious
Because I was entranced by the frantic tiny clams
Burrowing bravely beneath swirling sand

February is galloping in
Sweeping me up without my permission
But she meets no resistance from me
I will let her carry me
Through the whispers carried on icy air
I close my eyes and I find you there.

Leah R. Chatterjee

Another one for Beth

Every now and then
You come back to me
On a gentle breeze
In the haze of a dream
A whisper in the air
I can feel you there
In the sun in the glare
Some days I see you everywhere

Every now and then
You return to me
Through a thinning veil
In a cloud’s soft trail
In moments where I fail
To bottle up what’s there
And my grief sets sail

Every now and then
You come back to me
In lines of poetry
In the moon pulling on the sea
In every melody
I hear you sing to me

Every now and then
You return to me
Answer my aching plea
Try to comfort me
Try to help me see
You’re with me endlessly

Every now and then
You come back to me
I can feel you there
Heavy on the air
Bright like a warning flare
Sometimes I see you everywhere

Every now and then
I can hear your voice singing
Hear your last choice ringing
Feel the light you’re bringing
See you in the pattern on the beads I’m stringing
Feel the sadness stinging

Every now and then
I want to understand why
I let my feelings fly
I sink low and rise high
You’ll never really die
I try to say goodbye

–leah r chatterjee