The whole sordid affair

I remember me that day, awkward on the bleachers, full of hope and fear and rage.

I remember you, crisp and fresh, shiny and new, the squeak of sneakers, And so set was the stage.

Act I

Lunches outside, laughing so hard that I peed almost every day.

Bleeding, writing letters, feeling something wicked come this way.

Mess of hormones, pheromones, microphones, actual angst ridden moans…

My oddness settled just as I had always feared,

I was swallowed by darkness, and you disappeared…

Act II

Nope, no college for you or me, we somehow got our anchors stuck,

Lots of cigarettes, coffee shops, and cliched not giving a fuck…

Graveyards in Georgetown and sips of bad whiskey in the Fall.

You breezed in and out, I hardly remember you at all…

Act III

Saturn return looming near, I was spinning, reckless, lost and found

And I saw you in the winter, felt my feet touch the ground.

Then came the Spring when the veil was so thin you could poke a hole,

But not thin enough to reach in and take back what they stole…

Brought together in pain, we were sure our ties were solid and true…

I didn’t know then all the damage you’d do…

Act IV

Well the years went by, you crushed me two times, left me on ledges.

But I unfolded myself, and smoothed out my own edges.

I always thought that your trauma outweighed my pain,

Yet I unlearned that lesson again and again and again…

The past year with you was like trying to jog through tar,

Turns out to Andromeda and back isn’t really that far.

Love, Leah R Chatterjee

39 Years

It took me till I was almost thirty-nine to realize
That these are
Man crushing
Lady loving
They hugging
Thighs
That we were strong, if a bit full of ourselves
That we kept some good books on these dusty old shelves
And it took me 39 years to see the perfection in your face
The lines of laughter, of worry, of your journey through time and space
The mystical wonder that hides beneath your eyelids and in the folds of your skin
The way your eyeballs see through me, and at the same time deep within
It took close to 39 years to learn what my soul really needs
A quiet existence just beneath the layer of storms and WiFi feeds
And when I look back and review
looking at all of the things we would do
Just to survive and keep going along
Just to give us a break from these sad-sad songs
I feel proud of who we were and who we are now
We made it through the shitstorm, and I’ll never know how
It took me just shy of 39 years
To release those tears
To vanquish those fears
To find comfort in the face of goodbyes
To find solace when I catch your eyes
To read the cards and the stars at the perfect time on the perfect day
To find exactly the words that I hope you’ll see, that I needed to say.
💕leah r. chatterjee

📸 Photo credit: IG: @leslie.l.angel; me in Idaho, summer of 2005

If ya don’t know, I have a new astrology/tarot blog: Stars & Spoons

and a new astrology/tarot YouTube channel: StarsNSpoons Youtube Channel

Positivity Isn’t For Everyone

Positivity Isn’t For Everyone

Positivity Isn’t For Everyone
— Read on starsnspoons.com/2019/03/27/positivity-isnt-for-everyone/

Venus Retrograde In Scorpio: Diving Deep to Create Balance

Venus retrograde for spoonies 💕

Astrology Musings for Spoonies

Details: Venus entered the pre-shadow phase September 3rd 2018 at 25º Libra***Venus stations retrograde October 5th, 2018 12:05pm (PST) at 10º Scorpio***Venus enters Libra October 31st, 2018 12:42pm (PST)***Venus stations direct November 16th, 2018 2:51am (PST) at 25º Libra***Venus leaves the post-shadow period December 17th 2018 7:28pm (PST) at 10º Scorpio 

Meet Venus…she’s bold, she’s beautiful, she knows what she likes and what she wants, and sister planet is intense when she pairs up with Scorpio. Venus is more than just romance and beauty, she influences all of our relationships, our finances, our creativity and appreciation for art. She teaches us something about how we feel about our partnerships, desires, and needs. She wants us to learn how to be compassionate with ourselves, and the importance of learning how to receive without guilt. We only experience Venus retrograde every 12-14 months, so let’s dooooo this!With Venus retrograde starting

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Out of the shadows and into Autumn

Started a new astrology blog 💕

Astrology Musings for Spoonies

Phew! We made it out of a summer of intense eclipses and soooo many retrograde planets! Leaving the shadow of Mars retrograde feels like a good time to start this project.

Hi! I’m Leah, and I have been interested in astrology since middle school, when I discovered the daily astrology nuggets by Holiday Mathis in the Washington Post. I think that was when I was really beginning to struggle with depression, and for some reason those two or three sentences would be my little morning moment of hope. I don’t know that I actually believed in any of it until I was in my early twenties and started learning there was way more to astrology than a sun sign. I came to find astrology a fascinating way of gaining some understanding of my human experience. I don’t know why it took me so long to accept that I am passionate…

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Cosmic snail

I feel like sharing my doodles here now that I’m drawing more than writing.

Empty Bucket

Today I don’t even feel like I 

Am even a drop in the bucket, 

no I…

am more of what’s left behind 

Some residue and reflection on a beat up YIELD sign

All of the hatred washes over us like some desert-dry heat 

Tiptoeing on baking tar, 

we cannot even smell the burning of our own feet 

We, the nameless generation of exhausted phoenixes who… 

can combust no more

We, who were once the formiddable waves tumbling onto life’s shore

Reduced to drops in a leaky bucket

Worn down to a lazy middle finger, and a “fuck it”

On planet made of mostly water, we’ve found our way to dehydration 

Separated ourselves with fences and nations

And all that’s left of me now is the faintest resignation,

Some signs on a park bench of evaporation.

❤ Leah Ruthe

Sequential Dream: Chapter 3

Rescue Mission?

We left off with the discovery that humans are the muses of the cosmos (at least in this dimension), and serve some sort of important purpose for the multiverse. Our creativity and our empathy are critical, as is our continued social evolution.

In the third dream, I found myself looking out of a giant glass dome, not unlike many of the viewing decks in sci-fi shows. I remember being mesmerized by the endless stars and vastness before me. I noticed the quiet and solemn presence of Etnu, my extraterrestrial guide. After a long moment, it occurred to me to ask, “Etnu, what are we doing here?” They replied, “We are witnessing the Big Launch,” with great emphasis on “big launch.” I had a lot of questions for Etnu, but I didn’t have time to ask any of them because his long fingers waved in front of my face, then pointed in front of us. Suddenly the space in front of us was filled with spherical pod-like vehicles; there must have been thousands of them. As the moved away they looked like glowing orbs, perfectly round lanterns floating off into the abyss.

I looked at Etnu, eyebrows raised. “Are they going to Earth?”

“Yes. Earth, and one planet beyond yours, which also contains a struggling species. Listen closely, Leah. These beings have been specially trained to help human social evolution accelerate quickly. You will meet three of them over the course of your life. The first will give you the records you have been unable to access. The second will teach you to balance empathy and critical thinking. The third will be your partner. You will recognize them when you meet them. Orion will be meeting two. He already has access to the records. The first to visit Orion will teach him to heal both animals and plants. The second will be his partner. He will also know them when he meets them. I will introduce you to them each in the coming months, so that you will not be confused.”

There was a long pause, as I tried furiously to commit these facts to memory. Please don’t let me forget when I wake up, please.

The last thing I can remember Etnu saying before I woke up was, “You will also meet the ones who are NOT helpers. We will prepare you for them…”

Until next time!

Two Bowls

Seems as though

We fit as two bowls

We slide out of place

We wobble and sway

But we settle into each other

At the end of the day

–leah ruthe chatterjee 

Bowls by connorlynchwoodturning.com spotted via Google image search

Sequential Dream: Chapter 2

The Muses of the Cosmos

The second dream I find myself in the same conference room. The conversation has become more heated, more tense, more urgency in the tones. Again I followed the conversation by reading the numbers streaming in a hologram above the oval table.

This time it seemed there was a major disagreement over the next steps to be taken to deal with the “Earth Problem.” There was quite a lot of support for wiping humans out, and starting over. Again, the conversation turned to Mars, and once more this idea was tossed out.

Something new that was revealed this time was why earth humans were such an important part of their cosmic story. There were two factors. The first was the overall problem they were facing: the multiverse was expanding too quickly, and at some point this would wreak havoc on all of the dimensions in each universe. I didn’t understand a lot of the science being talked about, but basically the fear was that the fabric of time and space and everything that holds our worlds and matter together would be ripped apart. Earth humans factored in because we alone have the gift of artistic creativity, the gift of the “muse,” as they kept calling it. Our creativity would help lead to the solution of preventing this ripping apart of our dimensions.

I remember feeling this was really interesting, especially since I have been feeling awfully down on humans lately. It was nice to hear that there was something special about us, that we are needed in the universe.

Towards the end of this meeting, the conclusion seemed to be that they would send in a large number of “helpers,” and their task would be to help accelerate our social evolution, and bring about peace and advanced ethics. A big part of their mission would be to advance climate change, and “take care of those resisting evolution.”

So that’s where we leave off for now….

–Leah R. Chatterjee